“The Ballad of Maesire Rackham”
In West Tortuga, born and raised,
On the pier is where I spent most of my days.
Chillin’ out, maxin’ all, stealin’ your food,
Shootin’ some cannonballs ‘n generally bein’ crude.
When a couple of blokes, they were up to no good,
Started pillagin’ around in my neighborhood.
I got in one little duel and my mum got scared,
She said, “You’re movin’ with The Captain and Tim on the Ferr-…et!”
I whistled for a ferry and when it came near,
The flag said “YAR” and there were skulls in the rear.
I thought to myself, “Hey, I’d like a beer”,
But I thought, “Naw forget it, they’ve got the good stuff here!”
I sailed up to the dock, about seven or eight,
And I yelled to the crew, “Yo mates, stab ya later!”
Looked for the boat, saw I was finally there,
To sing along with the crew of the Drunken Ferr-…et.
PS: True story.
PPS: Finn should never be allowed to write other crewmembers’ bios. We apologize, and the ones responsible have been keelhauled. Again.