The Crew of the Drunken Ferret

Finnian Kestrel : Captain

Finnian Kestrel


"Son, when I die, I'll be the waves crashing by your side."

Katie “Short Stack” Rackham : Quartermaster

Katie “Short Stack” Rackham


"This has been a particularly good kidnapping thus far...
though it could use a bit more rum, don't you think?"

Lassie Lyons : Fiddler

Lassie Lyons


"Enough talk. Time for stabbing."

E. Quentin “Wee Heavy” Grossnickle : Guitarman

E. Quentin “Wee Heavy” Grossnickle


"Excuse me while I adjust my G-string."

Shortbeard : Mandolineer



"Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend months at C."

Maggie O’Malley : Ship's Cook

Maggie O’Malley

Ship's Cook

"Do that again, and I'll gut ye like a particularly smelly fish."

Black Dog Nate : Ship's Designer

Black Dog Nate

Ship's Designer

"Black goes with everything... sooner or later."

Chanté : Ship's Enchantress


Ship's Enchantress

"The power of voodoo. Who do? I do!"

One-Eyed Mike :

One-Eyed Mike

"It's still all fun and games!"

Rosie Cheeks :

Rosie Cheeks

"I'm clever as the Devil and twice as pretty."

Jacques “The Jackal” MacIntyre :

Jacques “The Jackal” MacIntyre

"Try to guess what country I'm from!"

Thudd :


"Boom juice!"

Tim : The Last Mate


The Last Mate

"There are some who call me... the Last Mate?"

Seymour Staines : Chief Engineer

Seymour Staines

Chief Engineer

"I'll run a sound check as soon as I'm done petting this kitten."

Tanya Hyde : Merch Wrangler

Tanya Hyde

Merch Wrangler

"Would you like a CD, a T-shirt, or a stab wound?"