Pirates for Sail

Shipdate: 4576565478, and a third

Our mission: To boldly row where no man has rowed before.

Established for two years now aboard our sunken ship, and about to set sail for Rock Hall. Flint hands a quill and says to me, “Eh Finn, go on and write something.” Seeing as how I’m one of those rare literate pirate types, and as how mostly the crew be shouting, “Shuddup Finn!”, “Someone Shuddup Finn”, or “For the love of Pete, Stop Talking!”, I decided to have my say after all.

Rock Hall. As usual for festivals and such the crew will set up an encampment, rove the streets, and provide entertainment (quality guarantee increases 10% with each mug of grog). I’ve heard rumors of great pubs, great acts, and a pirates’ ball. We’ll also get to stomp around with our good friends The Brigands, a group I’ve sourly missed this past year. All good fun to be had I am sure.

This is my first entry, let me set the bar now.

I hereby make a sincere oath to neglect to update often, write about nothing of interest, bore and/or annoy you, and expect you to crave more.

Have you ever wondered why most fans/co-performers call us Ferrets?

FERRET:

A: A small furry creature that steals, smells, and leaves your crap all over the place.

B: A big furry creature, that steals, smells, and leaves your crap all over the place.

Ok, so technically the ship is the ferret, but seeing as how we lack a ship, we’re all acting as our own ship for now. Also, methinks that shouting “Hey Ferret!” is a bit easier on the tongue than “Hey random crew member of Pirates for Sail whose name I can’t remember cuz I’m too far in the cups to remember my own!” Likewise, ferrets are quite cuddly, which if you’ve the coin you’ll find many of us are (sans Fast Fingers who may stab you…or Maia will stab you, either way there will be a stabbing). On second thought, give him a snuggle or two, just for the fun of it. Everyone loves a good stabbing.

Going to lay on the deck with coins over her eyes just for the fun of it.

~Finn

Ah, the morning after the Fells Point Privateer Day and Baltimore Pirate Invasion. Many sleep-deprived pyrates were awaking, hung over, trying to remember exactly how they wound up where they woke up.

I was the pyrate DD in my car, so I had to limit my rum intake. Taking inventory: Let’s see…there were 2 Smithwick’s at lunch (bought for me by our pal Cap’n Thighbiter from The Brigands), 3 or 4 free shots of Sailor Jerry and ginger sale passed around by our hosts at Bertha’s, then that orange juice and amaretto thingy at dinner at Bertha’s, and that orange juice crush thingy at…where the hell was that? I just remember singing until I was hoarse and being bought a drink and given a wonderful cigar by our friends Tiki and Torch.

Started off the day with greetings and a hearty “well met” between myself and former Pirates for Sail (PfS) bandmates Thudd, Poppet, Kerris, and Maria, as well as Rosie, who now comprise The Vagabonds. This was followed by a couple of beers and lunch with Cap’n Thighbiter and Stringalong Jim.

The most important event of the day was the announcement that our fiddler, Fast Fingers Bryan McCrae, became a daddy just as PfS were going on at Bertha’s. Alaria Bridget Trinkle entered the world at 2:55 pm and came in at 6 pounds even. If ever there were a good reason to miss Privateer Day, Fast Fingers, this was it. The crowd at Bertha’s drank to Alaria’s health and that of her parents and gave out a round of huzzahs.

Singing at Bertha’s is always a treat because the crowd just gets so into it. They sort of have to, because when they enter the bar, the performing area is right friggin’ there in their faces. A lot of old friends and new stopped by, and I think we set a new record for requests, with 2 for “The Derelict” and 3 for “Whiskey in the Jar.” Shout out to Kenny “The Crimson Corsair” Miller, his gorgeous wife Dianna (a.k.a. Velvet), and the infamous Blender Wench, Vicki Bokhari, who stopped by Bertha’s. Vicki and Kenny founded the Baltimore Pirate Invasion pub crawl, which, after six years, has evolved into one of the largest pyrate events on the East Coast. Huzzah!

It was great to have our old PfS bandmate Red Jack join us for drumming—mainly because it saved my poor arm and wrist from having to do it; and, as anyone can tell you, I can’t drum and sing at the same time. There are those who would say I can’t drum or sing separately either, but they don’t say it for long because I usually show ’em the color o’ their insides if they do.

Avoiding a repeat of last year’s mussels tragedy, I avoided Bertha’s signature dish altogether and discovered they make one hell of a cheeseburger (my lunch) and a completely awesome chef salad (my dinner) with homemade dressing. I can now eat at Bertha’s again and not experience that special moment when one’s body rejects bivalves.

I’m always entertained by The Brigands; they are simply one of the best live pyrate bands around, and four of the decentest pyrates you’d ever hope to meet. We were honored when they invited us onstage to do a couple of numbers with them. At dinner, they paid our own Black Dog Nate a high compliment, noting that his rendition of “The Derelict” on our CD, Band on the Rum (Have I mentioned it’s available on CDBaby and iTunes?) is the best they’ve ever heard. I have to agree; I think it’s one of the best cuts on the CD.

We missed a lot of the pub crawl (Apologies to The Crimson Corsair for not making it to the venue where I had promised to sing “Professional Pirate” from Muppet Treasure Island. I got waylaid and sidetracked on my way there. Beer, rum, and friends were calling from every tavern and public house.). But Stringalong, Flint, Azure Skye, Misty Blaze, and Skippy the Wonder Pirate (incognito for the night as Brian Hamilton) finally caught up with former Pirates for Sail bandmate Dallas Valley of The Ship’s Company Chanteymen; Capt’n Torch and his First Mate Tiki, who provided the aforementioned drink and cigar; Kyrin Krause; Katie Leonard (a.k.a. Mouse), and a bunch of other friends, old and new. Also got to sing “Barrett’s Privateers” with some of the crew from HMS Bounty.

With voices strained and our spirits lifted, we departed Fell’s Point with a vow to return and do it all again next year. Our only regret? That we always miss seeing someone. There’s just no way to meet up with all of one’s pyrate brethren in one day and night. Nonetheless, this event is a grand kick off to the pirate season for both festival pyrates and historical reenactors. Pirates for Sail have been there one way or another every year, and we wouldn’t miss it. Huzzahs all the way around!

I have long held that most blogs are just ego trips for the authors. Who reads them but for a handful of the author’s friends? But my Drunken Ferret crewmates have prevailed upon me to join the crew blogging–not to be confused with flogging, although I suspect that’s what would await me if I did not start blogging…on the other hand, if the flogging were being dispensed by any of the women aboard ship, perhaps that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. But I digress.

In any event, thus begins the Chanteyman’s Chronicles. Where to begin? Hmm. Perhaps a look back and a look forward would be in order.

Seventeen-ought-nine ’twas a proverbial banner year for Pirates for Sail (PfS). We released our second CD, Band on the Rum, to much critical acclaim (okay, there were a couple of lukewarm huzzahs), and so far Sir Paul has not sued us. Did I mention it’s available on both CDBaby and iTunes?

We made stealth appearances at the Fells Point Privateer Day in April, singing at the dock to celebrate the first anniversary of the christening of the Urban Pirates’ ship, the Fearless, and later being invited on stage to perform with our good friends the Brigands (there’s also a story about Bertha’s mussels and a very sick Gute: see below); we appeared for our second year at the Virginia Renaissance Festival (VARF) in May, an oppressively hot Rock Hall Pirates and Wenches Fantasy Weekend in August, and the cool and windy Long Island Pirate Festival in September; and we made raids on private parties on the Potomac, at Vane Brothers in Baltimore, and at the Chesapeake Maritime Museum in St. Michael’s. We closed the year by splitting the crew in half (not literally, but there’s an idea for next year) on New Years Eve, with half doing a show at Piratz Tavern and the other half performing at Oglebay Resort in Wheeling WV. (That’s a whole ‘nuther story.) Huzzah for us!

And 1710 is shaping up to be as busy. We’ll be continuing our weekly appearances at Piratz Tavern in beautiful downtown Silver Spring, MD. Please come out and see us every Friday night.

Although we’re disappointed we won’t be back at VARF this year (therein lies a long, sordid tale involving stout ale, the Queen’s greyhounds, and a midget with a very long cutlass), and we’re sad to report that the Long Island Pirate Festival will not happen this year, we do have many appearances booked, and more in the works.

First up, PfS will be skulking about the Fells Point Privateer Day once again, Saturday April 10, singing in the bar at Bertha’s in the afternoon and wherever the hell else we damn well feel like it. In March, we made the first of what we hope will be many appearances at the Chesapeake Roller Derby in Westminster, Maryland. We’ll be back there again Saturday June 5.

August 13-15, we’ll invade the 3rd annual Rock Hall Pirates and Wenches Fantasy Weekend, performing with our friends the Brigands and the Pyrates Royale. The following weekend, we’ll cruise down to the Richmond, VA, area for a gig at the Chesterfield Library, Saturday August 21. We’re also looking at returning to the Unicity Performing Arts Festival in Saulisbury, MD, in September, and possibly heading up to New York State this summer to appear at some venues with our cohorts, Ye Pyrate Brotherhood.

Finally, Saturday October 16, we’ve been invited to raid the Toms River Pyrate Festival in, surprisingly, Toms River, New Jersey, where we plan on joining with the crew of Captain Charles Black and Valhalla’s Pirates for a day of plunderin’ and music.

Before I close this long-winded epistle, let me urge you to attend the Ft. Frederick Market Fair, April 22-25 (that’s Thursday thru Sunday) at historic Ft. Frederick in Big Pool, MD (near Hagerstown). You’ll find tons of fun stuff if you’re into living history and historical reenactment during the American Colonial period, French and Indian Wars, Revolution, age of pyracy, etc.

Eat Bertha’s Mussels
They’re the best there is, by far
You can eat them in the dining room
And throw up beside your car
Whenever you’re in Baltimore
And you’d like to throw up in the street
Eat Bertha’s mussels
Just don’t throw up upon your feet

Wednesday next comes with a very special distinction, as we all are sure to know.  It is a day both blessed and cursed, for it celebrates one of the patrons of my homeland.  I call it cursed in observance of the many here in the States who celebrate it in entirely the wrong manner.  You see, St. Patrick’s Day is the occasion on which the Irish of the world rejoice in their collective heritage, while the Irish of Ireland honor St. Patrick.  I’d like to take this opportunity to share with you all, our devoted readers, the proper means by which one may celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.

To perform this most righteous ritual, you will need:

• Something green
• A church
• Irish soda bread
• Atlantic Salmon or lamb stew
• Guinness
• A 4-leaf clover

When morning rises on St. Patrick’s Day, dress yourself accordingly.  Put on something green!  Not everything green, or some plastic bowler hat with “kiss me I’m Irish” emblazoned all over it in large, bold letters.  A simple touch of green- a green tie, or pin, or ribbons dangling from what was once a woman’s shirt, tied around your right arm.  I wouldn’t recommend cutting said shirt from the woman’s body at Tavern, though, there’s a rule against that (now).  The green is meant to be a subtle homage, because in Ireland, green is everywhere you look!  Outside of Ireland, it tends to show itself on the envious faces of lads admiring the bonny contours of an Irish colleen latched to the arm of another man.  It also shows itself on the faces of the non-Irish who claim Irish blood as an excuse to drink green-tinged beer, but I’ll get into that later.

Once dressed in appropriate attire, your first stop should be morning mass.  After all, this is a Saint’s holiday, and Patrick was rather known for his habit of preaching to the unconverted pagans of the Emerald Isle.  While Patrick was not the first Catholic to set foot on Irish soil, he was among the first to bring the message to the “unwashed” masses.  If you can’t make it to morning mass, at least pop into a church and say a prayer for family and friends.  If you’re pagan like myself, take a moment out from your day to remember those who came before, and give your thanks for those who are yet to come.

While out and about, be sure to greet everyone you see with a heartfelt “beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig oraibh! (buh-KNOCK-tuh na FEEL puh-DRAYG ar-RAY),” which means “St. Patrick’s Day Blessings to you!”  Also, bear in mind that giving a wee pinch to anyone not wearing green on this special is a time-honored tradition in Ireland.  Just keep in mind that decking people who pinch you is also a time-honored Irish tradition.

Going to mass and doing all that pinching while you’re out is sure to work up an appetite, so reach for the corned beef and cabbage, right?  No!  Make yourself a pot of lamb stew, with plenty of potatoes and carrots, or a make a meal of an unsuspecting Atlantic Salmon or Whitefish.  Any of these three are far more Irish than the American tradition of corned beef and cabbage.  Be sure to eat your meal with a bit of Irish soda bread, but make it yourself- the stuff in the stores is far too sweet and confectionary to pass muster.  Wash it down with a good measure of a fine brew- a nice, dark stout.  Guinness is ideal.  What about green beer, you ask?  To make beer turn green it has to be pale enough to take food coloring, which automatically makes it unworthy for an Irishman to drink.  Granted, an Irishman will generally drink whatever’s poured for him, but when toasting “slainte (SLAUN-cha)” to St. Patrick, use real alcohol to honor a real man.  Speaking of which, toast with “slainte!” instead of some terrible overused drivel.  You’ll be saying “to your health!” and wishing any and all within earshot a great many happy returns.

Last but not least, if you can find one, adorn yourself with a four-leaf clover.  If you eat one, it’s sure to bring you luck and love.  Put one in the heel of your left shoe and you’ll marry the next person who comes in the room!  Just make sure it’s not your cousin.  Or Jim.

So, this St. Patrick’s day, do something right.  Show your true Irish pride, be your blood green or orange.  And do it at the Tavern, where we’ll be performing in accordance with our own St. Patrick’s Day traditions!  Come out and hear some good Irish fiddle, folk songs, and let me drink you under the table (or on it)!

The Drunken Ferrets will be among the pirate musicians makin’ merry at Piratz Tavern tonight for their holiday toy drive. Bring a toy ‘n come get drunk fer the children! More info below.

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Come out for food, fun, and drinks at Piratz Tavern. We will be having an evening of music with Pirates for Sail, Letter of Marque, Scales & Crosstones, The Vagabonds, and The Son of Strum. This will be a unique opportunity to see all of these artists performing together in a jam session style performance…

Admission is a donation of a new, unwrapped toy in it’s original package. All toys (stuffed animals included) must be brand new and toys must meet consumer product safety codes. Any glue or paint on toys must be non-toxic, no spark/friction toys, and no violent or frightening toys. Only movies that are G rated are appropriate.

Reservations are recommended and please feel free to come dressed in garb…

It was a long and sometimes very damp weekend, but the crew ran loose at VARF and got to perform for pirates, peasants, merchants, nobles and Queens alike! Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth I even made us Minstrels to the Queen herself! Though official minstrels or not, we shall always be Her Majesty’s Privateers for Sail.

Ye old shoutouts must go to Letter of Marque, Son of Strum, The Pyrates Royale, Calico Jenny and the Shire minstrels fer their bloody brilliant performances!

What we learned:

• Geese are the pirates of the avian world, because they’ll attack ye and steal yer booty.
• We can make the Queen cry and not get hung…twice!
• Meteorologists should be keelhauled.
• No one expects the Ferret Inquisition!
• The proper Wild Rover callback:
  “And it’s no, nay, neveeeeeer!”
  “TAKE! OFF! YOUR! PANTS!”
  “No nay never, no moooore!”
  “YOUR PANTS!”
  “Will I plaaaaay the Wild Roveeeer!”
  “OH GOD PUT ‘EM BACK ON!”
  “No neveeeer, no mooooore!”
• Gute’s bologna has a first name…
• Jimmy Buffett has “Parrotheads”, but we have “Ferretheads”!
• There is no such thing as too much bacon.
• Ye never have the cash to buy hundreds of ping-pong balls when ye really want to.

Last Saturday (5/16), Pirates for Sail took over and promptly rocked the Emerging Artist stage at the Unicity Performing Arts Festival…to the excitement of the crew, the confusion of the MC, and the acceptance of a crowd mixed with pirate enthusiasts, drinking song enthusiasts, and people who probably just saw us wandering around and showed up out of a morbid sense of curiosity.

What we learned:

• There’s never a bloody Tilt-A-Whirl when ye need one.
• Pirates like to swing…in every sense of the word.
• The “water” is fantastic.
• An adult gifts shop and an Egyptian cotton bedsheets shop tie as strangest performance festival vendor.
• Being armed doesn’t increase yer chances of getting into the bounce castle.
• Ninjas? HAH! Pirates are the masters of drunken karaoke!

Next up for us? The Virginia Rennaisance Faire!