Yes, that’s right. The Drunken Ferret crew has finally finished recording their third CD: “Dark Side of the Lagoon”! Now on to the mixing process! Expect to see it hit the Internet and festival circuit in the coming months!
Can’t give an exact date just yet. Depends on when we can find the mystical amulet that controls the work speed of the undead mixing monkeys. Wish us luck, mates!
We may be pirates, but even we know that NAY means NAY.
When we hear people’s stories and see stats like these, we get angry:
Every two minutes, someone in the United States is sexually assaulted.
44% of victims are under age 18.
15 out of 16 rapists never spend a day in jail.
So we’re taking a stand. This summer, I’ve pledged to walk 1 million steps and raise $1,000 this summer to benefit the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network. RAINN is the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization, and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline and the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline. They also recently started a confidential helpline in cooperation with the Department of Defense to aid members of the military who are assaulted.
As a crew, we’re holding a fundraiser on June 10 at Piratz Tavern in Silver Spring to benefit the cause. That night, all our tips will go to RAINN, as well as $4 from each CD sale. Rosie the belly dancer has also generously agreed to donate her tips.
Please join us and support the cause!
If you’re unable to attend, you can still support us by donating here: http://karma411.com/1MSteps.
Help us make it clear to scalliwags everywhere that NAY means NAY!
I have long held that most blogs are just ego trips for the authors. Who reads them but for a handful of the author’s friends? But my Drunken Ferret crewmates have prevailed upon me to join the crew blogging–not to be confused with flogging, although I suspect that’s what would await me if I did not start blogging…on the other hand, if the flogging were being dispensed by any of the women aboard ship, perhaps that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. But I digress.
In any event, thus begins the Chanteyman’s Chronicles. Where to begin? Hmm. Perhaps a look back and a look forward would be in order.
Seventeen-ought-nine ’twas a proverbial banner year for Pirates for Sail (PfS). We released our second CD, Band on the Rum, to much critical acclaim (okay, there were a couple of lukewarm huzzahs), and so far Sir Paul has not sued us. Did I mention it’s available on both CDBaby and iTunes?
We made stealth appearances at the Fells Point Privateer Day in April, singing at the dock to celebrate the first anniversary of the christening of the Urban Pirates’ ship, the Fearless, and later being invited on stage to perform with our good friends the Brigands (there’s also a story about Bertha’s mussels and a very sick Gute: see below); we appeared for our second year at the Virginia Renaissance Festival (VARF) in May, an oppressively hot Rock Hall Pirates and Wenches Fantasy Weekend in August, and the cool and windy Long Island Pirate Festival in September; and we made raids on private parties on the Potomac, at Vane Brothers in Baltimore, and at the Chesapeake Maritime Museum in St. Michael’s. We closed the year by splitting the crew in half (not literally, but there’s an idea for next year) on New Years Eve, with half doing a show at Piratz Tavern and the other half performing at Oglebay Resort in Wheeling WV. (That’s a whole ‘nuther story.) Huzzah for us!
And 1710 is shaping up to be as busy. We’ll be continuing our weekly appearances at Piratz Tavern in beautiful downtown Silver Spring, MD. Please come out and see us every Friday night.
Although we’re disappointed we won’t be back at VARF this year (therein lies a long, sordid tale involving stout ale, the Queen’s greyhounds, and a midget with a very long cutlass), and we’re sad to report that the Long Island Pirate Festival will not happen this year, we do have many appearances booked, and more in the works.
First up, PfS will be skulking about the Fells Point Privateer Day once again, Saturday April 10, singing in the bar at Bertha’s in the afternoon and wherever the hell else we damn well feel like it. In March, we made the first of what we hope will be many appearances at the Chesapeake Roller Derby in Westminster, Maryland. We’ll be back there again Saturday June 5.
August 13-15, we’ll invade the 3rd annual Rock Hall Pirates and Wenches Fantasy Weekend, performing with our friends the Brigands and the Pyrates Royale. The following weekend, we’ll cruise down to the Richmond, VA, area for a gig at the Chesterfield Library, Saturday August 21. We’re also looking at returning to the Unicity Performing Arts Festival in Saulisbury, MD, in September, and possibly heading up to New York State this summer to appear at some venues with our cohorts, Ye Pyrate Brotherhood.
Finally, Saturday October 16, we’ve been invited to raid the Toms River Pyrate Festival in, surprisingly, Toms River, New Jersey, where we plan on joining with the crew of Captain Charles Black and Valhalla’s Pirates for a day of plunderin’ and music.
Before I close this long-winded epistle, let me urge you to attend the Ft. Frederick Market Fair, April 22-25 (that’s Thursday thru Sunday) at historic Ft. Frederick in Big Pool, MD (near Hagerstown). You’ll find tons of fun stuff if you’re into living history and historical reenactment during the American Colonial period, French and Indian Wars, Revolution, age of pyracy, etc.
Eat Bertha’s Mussels
They’re the best there is, by far
You can eat them in the dining room
And throw up beside your car
Whenever you’re in Baltimore
And you’d like to throw up in the street
Eat Bertha’s mussels
Just don’t throw up upon your feet
We’re all big fans of the great songwriter Tom Lehrer, big enough to anoint him an Honorary Drunken Ferret, so what better way to celebrate today’s holiday than by spreading around our cover of “The Irish Ballad”? You can hear us in two different St. Patrick’s Day podcasts this week: previously mentioned pirate blogger Bilgemunky and world-famous cover music podcast Coverville. Listen to Bilgemunky
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(direct MP3 link; you’ll also want the setlist) and Coverville here! We even show up, without fanfare, in this entry of the Cover Me blog. How nice it is to appear among such august company. Now go drink green things and wear lots of booze!
Wednesday next comes with a very special distinction, as we all are sure to know. It is a day both blessed and cursed, for it celebrates one of the patrons of my homeland. I call it cursed in observance of the many here in the States who celebrate it in entirely the wrong manner. You see, St. Patrick’s Day is the occasion on which the Irish of the world rejoice in their collective heritage, while the Irish of Ireland honor St. Patrick. I’d like to take this opportunity to share with you all, our devoted readers, the proper means by which one may celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.
To perform this most righteous ritual, you will need:
When morning rises on St. Patrick’s Day, dress yourself accordingly. Put on something green! Not everything green, or some plastic bowler hat with “kiss me I’m Irish” emblazoned all over it in large, bold letters. A simple touch of green- a green tie, or pin, or ribbons dangling from what was once a woman’s shirt, tied around your right arm. I wouldn’t recommend cutting said shirt from the woman’s body at Tavern, though, there’s a rule against that (now). The green is meant to be a subtle homage, because in Ireland, green is everywhere you look! Outside of Ireland, it tends to show itself on the envious faces of lads admiring the bonny contours of an Irish colleen latched to the arm of another man. It also shows itself on the faces of the non-Irish who claim Irish blood as an excuse to drink green-tinged beer, but I’ll get into that later.
Once dressed in appropriate attire, your first stop should be morning mass. After all, this is a Saint’s holiday, and Patrick was rather known for his habit of preaching to the unconverted pagans of the Emerald Isle. While Patrick was not the first Catholic to set foot on Irish soil, he was among the first to bring the message to the “unwashed” masses. If you can’t make it to morning mass, at least pop into a church and say a prayer for family and friends. If you’re pagan like myself, take a moment out from your day to remember those who came before, and give your thanks for those who are yet to come.
While out and about, be sure to greet everyone you see with a heartfelt “beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig oraibh! (buh-KNOCK-tuh na FEEL puh-DRAYG ar-RAY),” which means “St. Patrick’s Day Blessings to you!” Also, bear in mind that giving a wee pinch to anyone not wearing green on this special is a time-honored tradition in Ireland. Just keep in mind that decking people who pinch you is also a time-honored Irish tradition.
Going to mass and doing all that pinching while you’re out is sure to work up an appetite, so reach for the corned beef and cabbage, right? No! Make yourself a pot of lamb stew, with plenty of potatoes and carrots, or a make a meal of an unsuspecting Atlantic Salmon or Whitefish. Any of these three are far more Irish than the American tradition of corned beef and cabbage. Be sure to eat your meal with a bit of Irish soda bread, but make it yourself- the stuff in the stores is far too sweet and confectionary to pass muster. Wash it down with a good measure of a fine brew- a nice, dark stout. Guinness is ideal. What about green beer, you ask? To make beer turn green it has to be pale enough to take food coloring, which automatically makes it unworthy for an Irishman to drink. Granted, an Irishman will generally drink whatever’s poured for him, but when toasting “slainte (SLAUN-cha)” to St. Patrick, use real alcohol to honor a real man. Speaking of which, toast with “slainte!” instead of some terrible overused drivel. You’ll be saying “to your health!” and wishing any and all within earshot a great many happy returns.
Last but not least, if you can find one, adorn yourself with a four-leaf clover. If you eat one, it’s sure to bring you luck and love. Put one in the heel of your left shoe and you’ll marry the next person who comes in the room! Just make sure it’s not your cousin. Or Jim.
So, this St. Patrick’s day, do something right. Show your true Irish pride, be your blood green or orange. And do it at the Tavern, where we’ll be performing in accordance with our own St. Patrick’s Day traditions! Come out and hear some good Irish fiddle, folk songs, and let me drink you under the table (or on it)!
Pirate blogger and podcaster extraordinaire Bilgemunky gave us his stamp of approval last week. It seems that a listener wanted to hear “Mingulay Boat Song,” so ol’ Bilge picked our rendition to fulfill the request! If you’d like some proof, here’s the setlist.
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We show up at just about exactly the one-hour mark.
And incidentally, if any of you scoundrels feel like sending Bilgemunky a message to say you’d like him to play more of us, we wouldn’t complain. He does like bribes, though.
I’m turning this post over to the good folks at CD Baby, who do such a stand-up job selling our music online:
The earthquake and its aftermath in Haiti have touched all of our lives. Many in the CD Baby family have already contributed as individuals, but we wanted to do more to help the victims of the horrible earthquake tragedy.
Starting on Monday, January 25th and continuing for two weeks, we will donate $1 of our cut from every CD sale through our website, and $1 from every download sale over $8.99 on our site, to the American Red Cross and to Mercy Corps, a Portland-based relief organization with a large presence in Haiti. With your help, we hope to raise tens of thousands of dollars.
That’s it, really. If you buy one of our discs, or a disc by one of the thousands of other fine artists on CD Baby, $1 for each CD will go straight to Haiti relief. Sounds good for all involved.
Right about now our dear Professor Skippy is probably at rehearsal with the rest of us, where he’s no doubt just been informed that his pressgangin’ has turned into full-fledged crew status.
…However, he’s also been told that in exchange for said status it was decided that we’d welcome him by showing a lovely photo of a certain pirate in a certain other pirate’s corset.
So, without further adieu…
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The Drunken Ferrets will be among the pirate musicians makin’ merry at Piratz Tavern tonight for their holiday toy drive. Bring a toy ‘n come get drunk fer the children! More info below.
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Come out for food, fun, and drinks at Piratz Tavern. We will be having an evening of music with Pirates for Sail, Letter of Marque, Scales & Crosstones, The Vagabonds, and The Son of Strum. This will be a unique opportunity to see all of these artists performing together in a jam session style performance…
Admission is a donation of a new, unwrapped toy in it’s original package. All toys (stuffed animals included) must be brand new and toys must meet consumer product safety codes. Any glue or paint on toys must be non-toxic, no spark/friction toys, and no violent or frightening toys. Only movies that are G rated are appropriate.
Reservations are recommended and please feel free to come dressed in garb…
Ahoy there, groupies and groupers! Want to listen to yer favorite pirate band without all that messing about with CDs (or, y’know, comin’ to see us)? Now ye can, on account of both our albums can be found on iTunes! Download ‘em early and often, at the bargain price of $9.99 apiece! Ye can even download the tracks individually for a mere 99 pence, but I don’t know why ye’d want to. Take a gander this-a-way.
A Shot Across the Bow 
Band on the Rum
So come and buy! If you already own a copy, buy another, or at least write us a nice review. We like that. And make sure ye tells yer friends and family, too. Do it because ye love us, but mainly because we’re full of rum and heavily armed.