Pirates for Sail

 Episode 2:

  According to the Wikipedia Columbia, Md. is “a planned community that consists of ten self-contained villages.” “Opened in 1967, Columbia was designed to not only eliminate the inconveniences of then-current subdivision design……” According to the Google listing, “The Mall in Columbia Offers Columbia’s Top Shopping Experience.”  This is where “we” decided to make our public debut.

   Now, if I had seen what those lubbers in that parking lot saw as we began our trek, I would have immediately wanted to know what they were doing and….. can I do it too? Nope. It amazes me still how the vast majority in this town would rather take their chances in traffic in order to get across the street (or the other side of the bay) before they got too close. If they did have to cross our path, there was no eye contact, at all. They wouldn’t have a chance of tripping over their own feet cause their eyes and half their body would be bent down looking at them rather than having to look at us. It still happens today, even though our dress is a bit more convincing. We now carry pouches, haversacks, cutlasses, black powder and the firearms it goes in, knives and daggers, belaying pins and treasure chests. (Note: black powder weapons are not illegal to own or carry as long as they are not loaded).

  We did have an agenda. My son worked at a mobile phone kiosk which was located about 40 feet from the entrance. He was on the phone for a customer who was standing there waiting as she spotted us first. Then…he saw us. There was no controlling the reaction even though he was on the phone as I sauntered up to him in my best drunk pirate swagger, ,cocked my head to one side and said the only piratical thing I could conjure up, “you look somewhat familiar, have I threatened you before?” As he put the phone call on hold and his customer hysterically doubled over in absolute glee, mall security was approaching to escort us out on the grounds that we were “disturbing” patrons. Mmmm, things haven’t changed much.

   During all this time I of course I insisted on “practices”. This would simply mean that we would dress in our “garb” and do “piratical” things while grilling outside of our apartment that we lived in at the time. “Piratical” things included drinking rum and playing with civil war period pistols and swords purchased in none other than Gettysburg of course!

   Since we’re on  that we’re on that subject, I must say that I did find evidence that pirates did invade the town of Gettysburg a place where of course the bloodiest battles of the Civil War was fought. In a letter written by Samuel L. Holt to Governor Z.B. Vance of North Carolina, he charged that “this country has sent many & true men to this piratical war.” I thought it was an appropriate place for us. So donned in my short leather boots and our costume store wigs, we pervaded the territory again.

Ooops, you’ll have to wait now for Episode 3!

I’m currently getting ready for tonight’s gig opening for the Chesapeake Shakespeare Company.

“Much Ado About Nothing”: one of the original romantic comedies! The genre isn’t exactly my tankard of cider, but they made it an excuse for our particular brand of piracy (again, no less!), so I can certainly appreciate that.

Here’s to confusing (and then hopefully entertaining) the audience by getting a little 18th century in their 16th century!

Leave it to the Last Mate to find this gem of a story from the Baltimore Sun.

Fire sends Maryland lawmakers rushing out of Annapolis bar
Celebration for new members of legislature ends abruptly

———-

Please tell us someone yelled “MacIntyre”..!

Bilge rats, scallywags, harlots…lend me your eyes! Or, as in the case of Mike, your eye.

…Do you like my new sophisticated writing? Teach was kind enough to give me some lessons in something called literacy, so at least now I can pretend to be a scholar every so often! You know…when being scholarly seems exciting. Skippy insists that it’s not boring, however I’ve found that my eyes tend to glaze over and I start thinking about shinies whenever he tries to explain whatever it is he used to do.

But I digress.

Let me first remind you all of the “Pirates for Hispaniola” charity pub sing at Piratz Tavern this Saturday, the 6th of March, beginning at 7:00PM. Hours of music, mayhem and not being able to move 3 steps without running into a maritime asset relocation specialist for only a suggested donation to Haiti relief. Bloody hell, a large gathering of pirates being charitable?! You should come solely for the fact that it may be a once-in-a-lifetime observance!

Following that, on Sunday, March 7th, we pirates do battle with our (apparently) mortal enemies: the ninjas! From 1:30 to 4:00PM, ninja clans and pirate fleets will descend upon the National Mall in Washington D.C. to wage all-out war! With some kind of game tournaments. Either way, all pirates and, I cannot believe I’m saying this, all ninjas are welcome… Also, for some reason there’s a no-weapons policy. Because apparently they think that hundreds of pirates and ninjas wielding katanas and pistols in the center of a bloody tourist hotspot is a BAD IDEA. Can’t imagine why… Anyway, all the information you need is here (aside from the date, since it was changed to the 7th due to the bleeding Snowpocalypse): Pirates vs. Ninjas.

Hmph. As if we don’t know who’s going to win.

About ready t’go have a small “talk” (only with less talkin’ ‘n more fisticuffs) with a certain corset-maker from the not-so-good ship E-Bay that I commissioned some months back who has yet to deliver… I do believe that grants me one courtesy shot.

On the bright side, if all goes well I should have some lovely new boots sometime soon. If not, well…I cannot be blamed fer the consequences.

…Otherwise known as “Flint Goes to Ohio Fer Some Reason”.

T’was probably a bout of madness that caused it, but I braved the cold and gray to walk among thousands of strangely dressed people fer three days, though to my surprise I found several of my pirate brethren in attendance at this ritualistic gathering.

Also managed to partake of some music by one Sir Jonathan Coulton of (New) York. (He happens to sing a catchy tune about animated gray matter-devourin’ corpses that the crew’s quite fond of.)

And, bein’ a self-respectin’ pirate, I made sure to at least steal a part of his soul before I left.

A good weekend if I do say so m’self!

Dear Powder Monkeys,

If ye insist on ice slidin’ yer way in front of a pair of pirates with cutlasses strapped to their feet, do not be surprised if ye come within inches of yer own demise on several occasions.

Yers Truly,
Flint Locke

An hour and a half first set at Tavern last night. A male patron’s rousin’ rendition of “General Taylor” that out-soprano’d me. Dancin’ with Maia (not allowed by m’self) ‘n watchin’ Fast Fingers get lucky with a bar full of ladies.

Life is bloody good.

Now, off to strap a pair of cutlasses to m’feet ‘n walk on water! Wish me luck!

Hah, so seein’ as how tonight’s Piratz Tavern ensemble includes Finn, Rackham, Professor Skippy ‘n m’self, I’d say there’ll be plenty of crazy to go ’round.

And by that I mean it’ll be a bloody party!

Well, not bloody-bloody… Not unless someone gives Finn a shot’ah pure caffeinated madness ‘n a pointy object. T’wasn’t pretty the last time. We’ve all learned our lesson since then.

Here’s to spending the last night of the year at one of m’ favorite places, the Piratz Tavern!  One-Eye, Morgann, Dogg, m’self, and introducin’ Professor Skippy will be around to provide yer obligatory musical entertainment.

Psst… Ask fer the bawdy stuff. Ye know ye want to. And if yer sensibilities are somehow shattered afterwards, have some grog and ye won’t remember! T’is a win-win!