Pirates for Sail

 Episode 2:

  According to the Wikipedia Columbia, Md. is “a planned community that consists of ten self-contained villages.” “Opened in 1967, Columbia was designed to not only eliminate the inconveniences of then-current subdivision design……” According to the Google listing, “The Mall in Columbia Offers Columbia’s Top Shopping Experience.”  This is where “we” decided to make our public debut.

   Now, if I had seen what those lubbers in that parking lot saw as we began our trek, I would have immediately wanted to know what they were doing and….. can I do it too? Nope. It amazes me still how the vast majority in this town would rather take their chances in traffic in order to get across the street (or the other side of the bay) before they got too close. If they did have to cross our path, there was no eye contact, at all. They wouldn’t have a chance of tripping over their own feet cause their eyes and half their body would be bent down looking at them rather than having to look at us. It still happens today, even though our dress is a bit more convincing. We now carry pouches, haversacks, cutlasses, black powder and the firearms it goes in, knives and daggers, belaying pins and treasure chests. (Note: black powder weapons are not illegal to own or carry as long as they are not loaded).

  We did have an agenda. My son worked at a mobile phone kiosk which was located about 40 feet from the entrance. He was on the phone for a customer who was standing there waiting as she spotted us first. Then…he saw us. There was no controlling the reaction even though he was on the phone as I sauntered up to him in my best drunk pirate swagger, ,cocked my head to one side and said the only piratical thing I could conjure up, “you look somewhat familiar, have I threatened you before?” As he put the phone call on hold and his customer hysterically doubled over in absolute glee, mall security was approaching to escort us out on the grounds that we were “disturbing” patrons. Mmmm, things haven’t changed much.

   During all this time I of course I insisted on “practices”. This would simply mean that we would dress in our “garb” and do “piratical” things while grilling outside of our apartment that we lived in at the time. “Piratical” things included drinking rum and playing with civil war period pistols and swords purchased in none other than Gettysburg of course!

   Since we’re on  that we’re on that subject, I must say that I did find evidence that pirates did invade the town of Gettysburg a place where of course the bloodiest battles of the Civil War was fought. In a letter written by Samuel L. Holt to Governor Z.B. Vance of North Carolina, he charged that “this country has sent many & true men to this piratical war.” I thought it was an appropriate place for us. So donned in my short leather boots and our costume store wigs, we pervaded the territory again.

Ooops, you’ll have to wait now for Episode 3!

Ah, the morning after the Fells Point Privateer Day and Baltimore Pirate Invasion. Many sleep-deprived pyrates were awaking, hung over, trying to remember exactly how they wound up where they woke up.

I was the pyrate DD in my car, so I had to limit my rum intake. Taking inventory: Let’s see…there were 2 Smithwick’s at lunch (bought for me by our pal Cap’n Thighbiter from The Brigands), 3 or 4 free shots of Sailor Jerry and ginger sale passed around by our hosts at Bertha’s, then that orange juice and amaretto thingy at dinner at Bertha’s, and that orange juice crush thingy at…where the hell was that? I just remember singing until I was hoarse and being bought a drink and given a wonderful cigar by our friends Tiki and Torch.

Started off the day with greetings and a hearty “well met” between myself and former Pirates for Sail (PfS) bandmates Thudd, Poppet, Kerris, and Maria, as well as Rosie, who now comprise The Vagabonds. This was followed by a couple of beers and lunch with Cap’n Thighbiter and Stringalong Jim.

The most important event of the day was the announcement that our fiddler, Fast Fingers Bryan McCrae, became a daddy just as PfS were going on at Bertha’s. Alaria Bridget Trinkle entered the world at 2:55 pm and came in at 6 pounds even. If ever there were a good reason to miss Privateer Day, Fast Fingers, this was it. The crowd at Bertha’s drank to Alaria’s health and that of her parents and gave out a round of huzzahs.

Singing at Bertha’s is always a treat because the crowd just gets so into it. They sort of have to, because when they enter the bar, the performing area is right friggin’ there in their faces. A lot of old friends and new stopped by, and I think we set a new record for requests, with 2 for “The Derelict” and 3 for “Whiskey in the Jar.” Shout out to Kenny “The Crimson Corsair” Miller, his gorgeous wife Dianna (a.k.a. Velvet), and the infamous Blender Wench, Vicki Bokhari, who stopped by Bertha’s. Vicki and Kenny founded the Baltimore Pirate Invasion pub crawl, which, after six years, has evolved into one of the largest pyrate events on the East Coast. Huzzah!

It was great to have our old PfS bandmate Red Jack join us for drumming—mainly because it saved my poor arm and wrist from having to do it; and, as anyone can tell you, I can’t drum and sing at the same time. There are those who would say I can’t drum or sing separately either, but they don’t say it for long because I usually show ’em the color o’ their insides if they do.

Avoiding a repeat of last year’s mussels tragedy, I avoided Bertha’s signature dish altogether and discovered they make one hell of a cheeseburger (my lunch) and a completely awesome chef salad (my dinner) with homemade dressing. I can now eat at Bertha’s again and not experience that special moment when one’s body rejects bivalves.

I’m always entertained by The Brigands; they are simply one of the best live pyrate bands around, and four of the decentest pyrates you’d ever hope to meet. We were honored when they invited us onstage to do a couple of numbers with them. At dinner, they paid our own Black Dog Nate a high compliment, noting that his rendition of “The Derelict” on our CD, Band on the Rum (Have I mentioned it’s available on CDBaby and iTunes?) is the best they’ve ever heard. I have to agree; I think it’s one of the best cuts on the CD.

We missed a lot of the pub crawl (Apologies to The Crimson Corsair for not making it to the venue where I had promised to sing “Professional Pirate” from Muppet Treasure Island. I got waylaid and sidetracked on my way there. Beer, rum, and friends were calling from every tavern and public house.). But Stringalong, Flint, Azure Skye, Misty Blaze, and Skippy the Wonder Pirate (incognito for the night as Brian Hamilton) finally caught up with former Pirates for Sail bandmate Dallas Valley of The Ship’s Company Chanteymen; Capt’n Torch and his First Mate Tiki, who provided the aforementioned drink and cigar; Kyrin Krause; Katie Leonard (a.k.a. Mouse), and a bunch of other friends, old and new. Also got to sing “Barrett’s Privateers” with some of the crew from HMS Bounty.

With voices strained and our spirits lifted, we departed Fell’s Point with a vow to return and do it all again next year. Our only regret? That we always miss seeing someone. There’s just no way to meet up with all of one’s pyrate brethren in one day and night. Nonetheless, this event is a grand kick off to the pirate season for both festival pyrates and historical reenactors. Pirates for Sail have been there one way or another every year, and we wouldn’t miss it. Huzzahs all the way around!

…Otherwise known as “Flint Goes to Ohio Fer Some Reason”.

T’was probably a bout of madness that caused it, but I braved the cold and gray to walk among thousands of strangely dressed people fer three days, though to my surprise I found several of my pirate brethren in attendance at this ritualistic gathering.

Also managed to partake of some music by one Sir Jonathan Coulton of (New) York. (He happens to sing a catchy tune about animated gray matter-devourin’ corpses that the crew’s quite fond of.)

And, bein’ a self-respectin’ pirate, I made sure to at least steal a part of his soul before I left.

A good weekend if I do say so m’self!