Fast-Fingers
By his own telling, Bryan McCrae is fifth-generation Irish, hailing from County Cork, though somewhere along the family line his ancestors split from Clan McCrae and emigrated from Scotland. As the story goes, his unspecified-number-of-greats-grandfather Seamus McCrae grew tired of Scotch women, Scotch whiskey, and Scotch eggs, deciding to head to the greenest pasture of all, the Emerald Isle. When he arrived, Seamus made his way south, following the intoxicating aroma of The Water of Life, Irish whiskey, and thus settled in Cork.
Seamus became the McCrae patriarch when he cast off everything Scottish, especially his kilt, upon meeting the fairest colleen in County Down, Rosie McGann. Within a decade, the new family had set up shop as publicans and distillers of the finest whiskey ever known by an Irish liver. Since then, five generations of McCraes have lived out their lives in the family tavern, the comforting scent of the whiskey keeping them content at home. Unfortunately, “Fast-Fingers” was born without a sense of smell, so nothing stopped him from traveling all over the Isle, mastering the fiddle in pursuit of what he calls “an appreciation for the beauty of curvy things”. Likewise, even after returning home, nothing stopped him following the bonny lasses that came from a ship headed for Nassau. Some time at sea later, his path crossed with the Good Ship “Drunken Ferret,” under the command of the infamous Captain Molly the Crympe, who eagerly took him on as a fiddler. They’ve never regretted anything more fervently.
Despite this long and convoluted personal history, according to Black Dog Nate, Fast-Fingers’ claim to County Cork heritage only reveals that his last known address was the inside of a bottle.
As ship’s fiddler, he enjoys all the privileges and amenities therein afforded- Sundays off, an extra share of rum, no call to heavy labor, and first chance with the bonny lasses on shore, since his smell is most often the least offensive on board (due in large part to the lack of heavy labor).
Fast-Fingers despises anyone or anything English, expressing his hatred even for Her Majesty’s currency by spending it as quickly as possible. Though he has been called a “Professional Lech,” any salary received through these endeavors is the topic of unsubstantiated rumor. Bryan is known for his penchant for lascivious behavior, quick wit, bad jokes, tight pants, and ridiculously long hair, among the longest in the crew. He enjoys drinking lesser men under the table, and dreams of one day answering life’s most unsolvable question: Why are there always carrots?
