Baby Update: Will There Be Carrots?
Stopped by to see my new “niece” and “nephew” last night. As many of our fans know, our fiddler and his two lovely polyamorous mates had twins of different mothers recently. The beautiful Alaria was born, appropriately, on Fell’s Point Privateer and Baltimore Pirate Invasion Day in April. The handsome Alaric was born a week later. Fortunately, each favors his or her mother and not Father Fast Fingers.
As I was saying, though, I visited the babies last evening. I had previously seen Alaria twice but had not yet had the pleasure of making Alaric’s acquaintence. So I ventured to Baltimore and the home of their very lovely grandma (I know where Maia gets her looks) where both babies and their mamas are staying temporarily. Held ‘em, fed ‘em, burped ‘em, talked to ‘em, and then handed ‘em back to grandma to change ‘em. She didn’t seem to mind. If there’s one thing better than beautiful grandmas, it’s beautiful grandmas loving on their beautiful new grandbabies.
Now, as anyone who knows Fast Fingers is well aware, the Ferrets’ catch phrase for him is, “Why are there always carrots?” After excessive alcohol consumption, as Faster Fingers’ body is rejecting said excess alcohol, he complains there are always carrots present, even when he’s not consumed carrots.
So the question now is whether this axiom will hold true for his offspring. I did not witness any spitting up last night, fortunately. Just standard burps and hic ups, cooing, yawning, and stretching. We’ll keep our fans updated on the carrot question. I’m sure you’re all on the edge of your seats.
Lies, slander, and baseless buggery! Be it known that Fast Fingers Bryan McCrae’s body has never rejected excess alcohol, as there is no such concept as “excess alcohol!” While legend speaks of an occasion where the philosophical question of carrot content was raised, to insinuate that this existential experiment consisted of anything unintentional or regrettable is entirely exaggerated!
As for the babies, I swear on my honor as a Fiddler, I only ever sneezed in their general directions! The courts believed that, why can’t you?
I can’t wait for the day when one or both spit up in your hair.
As to the question of “rejecting excess alcohol” I can say, myself being a witness to said rejection event, that the frequency and duration of said event(s) was such that there was no possible way that said rejection was due, in toto, to excess carrot consumption.
I suspect that Master Jameson and his mate Cap’n Morgan were there, probably attempting to make additional room for themselves.