Over the years where I've worn the attire of a pirate to make it easier for otherwise committed wenches to fall down at m'feet, I have often found myself mistaken for a certain other pirate celebrity. That man shall for now remain nameless, but rest assured there is about as much in common between my appearance and his as there is between fine Irish whiskey and a red table wine. I'd say a Spanish galleon favors a French brigantine (as it appears after having been blown out of the water for lack of ability to find and raise their whites fast enough) more than I look like this man. Still, the general voting public calls out his name frequently when looking upon me. Why do I raise this point? After all, we pirates are called out on a regular basis when traveling, most often by landlubbers cruising in their land conveyances who only associate our noble profession with the shouted letter “R.” I raise this point because I, Bryan McCrae, have determined why it is that we are so often mistaken for certain Disney characters.
The public is willing to accept the lesser evil as a pirate.
So, Internet, with a roguish hea
rt and a whiskey-craving stomach, I say unto you in the words of my uncle: Accept no substitutes!” The pirates in your life are the genuine article, complete with piratical injuries, piratical egos, and in some cases, piratical body odor! We need not be compared to those pretenders of the enchanted picture box, for there should be no comparison! Why, Black Dog Nate's beard could singlehandedly destroy the entire fleet of the illusory East India Company, while defeating the Kraken and saving a score of lasses far less androgynous than those so fervently sought by foppish protagonists!
Good people, bad people, and Englishmen, all I ask of you is this- when you see a pirate on the street, recognize him for the treasure he is! Praise him with kind words of welcome, or regard him with the respect and fear he so readily deserves! If you receive no response to the first, then clearly the second is appropriate! If you are greeted warmly in kind, offer him a drink and some bonny company! And if, by some chance, you happen upon a pirate wench, RUN IN THE OTHER DIRECTION WITH THE GREATEST POSSIBLE HASTE!