So we’re in a new year and a new decade, and how did I, Fast Fingers Bryan McCrae, mark this occasion?
By partying with rich aristocrats at a resort in West Virginia Territory, of course! Where else should one find an Irishman such as myself other than where one can find a pot still of moonshine brewing up fresh and ready every mile or two in the hills?! Granted, moonshiners aren’t nearly as numerous as they once were… Aha! Now, there be the true cause of global warming! Some place the blame on lack of pirates, such as ourselves, but I say ’tis the lack of moonshiners! What this world needs be potcheen!
No, wait… More moonshiners would be a good thing, says I, but methinks the world needs more promiscuous wenches far more than it needs additional hill-dwelling potcheen-makers. Besides that, if all the potcheen is up in the mountains of West Virginia, how am I to enjoy it?
Then again, a booze-drinking siren call sounded this past Saturday night, from one of the bonniest lasses I know… and I turned it down. Losing my edge, am I? I need to think of something more… edgy… Aha!
Why does Lady Gaga wear half a dress when she’s just going to have a damn skin-tight bodysuit underneath? What purpose does that serve but to look silly? Half a dress meets the needs of modesty and convenience, but when tempered with a complete and utter lack of nudity, it destroys the whole achievement in a single efficient blow!
That might be edgy enough to restore myself… I did drink an entire pint of grog in one quick shot at Tavern on day-after-New-Year’s, which is also my mother’s Birthday. Getting tossed on my mother’s Birthday has to be worth something, right?